Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Fatherly Advice: What to Do When You Lose Your Cool

Angry husband

Being a good husband requires great amount of patience. As we all know, marriage is not purely a fun ride. There will be problems or disagreements or petty quarrel or even a big war with the wife. The virtue of patience will be very helpful in avoiding all of these.

There were times, however, that we lose patience. I admit that it happened to me a few times already, especially now that Lei experiences mood swings due to her pregnancy.

Some people would say that it is fine to let out our temper a few times because we're just humans. These people are correct but we can (and should) strive to be better humans (and husbands).

Here are some things that you can do when you lose your cool:

Say “I am Sorry”

Saying “I am sorry” should be the first that you should do. Apologize to your wife sincerely. Practice the virtue of humility and tell her that you are in the wrong.

Your wife may not immediately accept your apology but what's important is that you apologized.


Another person that you should apologize to is God. He expects you to act as a good husband because it is part of your solemn marriage vows at His altar. Pray to God for forgiveness and also ask Him to help you to be a good husband.

Aside from praying to God, it is also good to pray to our heavenly intercessors (a.k.a the Saints). I personally pray to Saint Joseph since he is known to be the best father and husband that ever lived. You can also pray to other saints that you want. I also suggest that you pray to your guardian angel for help.

Reflect on What Happened 

You should also think about what caused you to lose your patience. Was it entirely your fault? Did your wife did something that displeased you? Think about what happened objectively. Don't let your anger or other emotions cloud your judgment.

Talk about It with Your Wife 

Big wars between husband and wife do not occur spontaneously. It is a result of little disagreements or petty quarrels that were not resolved. These little things accumulated in the heart and was left there to fester.

To preempt the big wars, you and your wife must resolve the small quarrels. Don't be afraid to open the line of communications and talk about what happened. However, you must do this prudently and with humility because doing otherwise might spark another confrontation.

Practice and More Practice 

Being patient doesn't come overnight. It requires, like other virtues, continued practice. To be a more patient husband you must become a patient employee, and a patient father, and a patient jeepney passenger, and a patient MRT rider --- in short we should practice patience in all areas of our lives until it becomes a habit.


There are other things that you can do when you lose your patience with your wife but what I posted here are the vital things.

Always remember that there will be friction between you and your wife. It is painful (and at times will wound you deeply) but you must make your love grow bigger than all the problems that will come. Love your wife and honor your marriage vows.

Saint Joseph, model of good husbands, pray for us!


Image courtesy of holohololand / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


  1. Nice list of to do's! I badly needed the last one, "Practice and more practice" whenever I lose my calm nature with my 1st grader! (glad I can skip loosing my cool with the husband).

  2. Wow! I've written something very similar over at my blog, but it's so interesting to see this from a guy's point of view. I should let my husband read this. Hahaha!:)

    1. Thank you very much for your visit. Yes, ask the husband to see this. I'm sure that he will "enjoy".